


Pull Me Back Again

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Insecurity, M/M, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 22:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11701131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: Alex knew that he asked for this, that being ignored was something he needed sometimes, but lately it felt like there was no reparation for it. Lafayette would lavish attention on John and Alex was okay with it, but when the scene ended, it stayed that way, and Alex found himself feeling left out from their relationship. The relationship he was also supposed to be a part of.aka, Alex feels neglected and runs away, Lafayette goes to find him and they finally talk things out.





	Pull Me Back Again

It all became too much too quickly, and as soon as Alex could find clothes that would protect him against the winter cold, he was out of their apartment before Lafayette or John could even blink.    
  
Alex knew that he asked for this, that being ignored was something he needed sometimes, but lately it felt like there was no reparation for it. Lafayette would lavish attention on John and Alex was okay with it, but when the scene ended, it stayed that way, and Alex found himself feeling left out from their relationship. The relationship he was also supposed to be a part of.    
  
Talking to them about it would be a better way of resolving this, saying something about how he felt would help them all more than what he was doing right now, but Alex wasn't thinking practically. He had to leave, to get out, get away from everything before the sinking feeling in his chest took hold of him and he found it difficult to breathe in his own bedroom.    
  
Maybe they wouldn't even care. He didn't say anything before he left, maybe they would think this was him resetting, and Lafayette would curl up next to John and forget that Alex ever existed, that he ever even mattered to them. Maybe Alex never mattered to them in the first place, and they were just waiting for this to happen so that they could finally be done with him.    
  
That was stupid, his thoughts were stupid, he knew they loved him, knew he mattered to them. Alexander knew that Lafayette and John cared, that he would probably receiving dozens of concerned text messages from both his partners if he'd bothered to take his phone with him before storming out. God, he was so stupid.    
  
He ended up in a park a short ways away from their apartment, coincidentally the same place Lafayette took him for their first date, the same place they took John so that it would be special to all three of them. It was bittersweet, being there, recalling fond memories, feeling like he didn't have so many of them from the past few weeks.    
  
"I'm so dumb," he whispered to himself, dragging his hands down his face, plopping down on the first bench he saw. He should go home, but he couldn't yet. He needed to spend time away from them, collect his thoughts, go back and talk this out with them like a person. They would understand. They always understood him.    
  
"Alexander!" Someone called, and Alex looked up to see Lafayette, sprinting from his car as fast as he could. Cold air hit his skin harder than before, and it was only then Alex realized he was crying. He didn't know he'd started. He didn't know how long he'd been out there.    
  
Lafayette wore scarves wrapped around his neck, hastily dressed in clothes that didn't match. He had on a thick winter jacket that was too small on him, and Alex grinned to himself when he realized that was because it was his. Lafayette would never be caught dead in a puff jacket under any other circumstances.    
  
"Hey," Alex mumbled, couldn't figure out much else to say. Lafayette rushed over, kneeling in front of Alex but not touching him, didn't want to cross a line.   
  
"We were so worried! You walked out and you didn't tell us where you were going, we thought we did something." He paused. "Did we do something?"    
  
"Not that you know of."    
  
"Was it tonight? Did it happen when we wer-"   
  
"No, no, no, it wasn't like that. I know my limits, Lafayette. I just-" he articulated words he didn't say with his hands. Lafayette furrowed their eyebrows.    
  
He heaved himself up on the bench next to Alex, still not touching him. "I'm listening."    
  
"The past few weeks I feel like you've been ignoring me. I love John, don't get me wrong, and I know he deserves and needs all the attention and love he gets, but I, I started to feel left out, watching how happy you are when it's just you and him. You kiss him and love him and tell him how much you adore him constantly, and then when you look at me, there's nothing there. You barely even touch me, when I try to hold your hand you pull away like I'm poison. It hurts, and I know that I need that sometimes, but-"   
  
"You don't need it all the time, I understand. I'm sorry, Alexander."   
  
"I thought you  _ knew _ , I thought I'd made it clear that I, that I wanted that, but I don't think I did. It feels like there's a drop, and then you never pull me back up again, like I'm left there dangling and I can't bring myself back from the edge. It's stupid, I'm an adult, and we've been together for a long time, I should know better than to feel like this."   
  
" _ Alex _ , no. You're allowed to ask for things, and to want things, and to believe that I love you as much as I do. I do love you, Alexander, and I'm sorry that I've done such a terrible job at showing you that. John would say it too if he were here. We both love you so much, you're the most important thing in the world to us, I'm so sorry."   
  
"It's not your fault, I didn't exactly say anything before this. I should've talked to you and John about it before running away, but I couldn't watch you carry John off and go back to you ignoring me. I'm sorry."   
  
Lafayette reached out to him hesitantly, pulling Alexander closer when he nodded. "Don't ever be sorry for wanting to be loved, Alex. It's my job to love you, and it's one I enjoy doing. I didn't notice, and I should've, and I should've seen that you weren't telling us something."   
  
"I guess we both fucked up then."   
  
"This wouldn't have happened if I didn't get so caught up in what I thought you wanted instead of paying attention to what you  _ actually needed _ ." He unwound one of the scarves to put around Alex's neck, who sniffed and mumbled a thank you. Lafayette kissed his temple, and Alex felt warmer instantly. This was what he wanted, the affection and love he felt for Lafayette and John to be returned to him and to know it.    
  
"Poly relationships are built on communication, Lafayette, and I didn't say anything to you. This is equal parts our fault, we both made a mistake."   
  
"I love you," Lafayette said. "I'm going to try a lot harder to make sure you know how much."   
  
"Thank you. I love you too."   
  
"How about we all just stay in this weekend? Watch movies and cuddle on the couch, I'll even open that bottle of champagne that I've been saving."    
  
Alex crossed his arms over his chest. "You don't have to do that."   
  
"I want to, for you."    
  
"O-Okay then," Alex muttered, and Lafayette smiled, intertwining their fingers.    
  
"Good, now can we go home? You're freezing, my love." He kissed Alex's hands in an attempt to warm them.    
  
"Yeah, we can go home. John is probably worried sick."   
  
Lafayette nodded. "He is, wanted me to go out and find you as soon as I was able, but he was slipping and I had to help him before I could-"   
  
"I understand. I'm glad he's okay."    
  
"I'm glad we're okay."    
  
They drove home in silence, and Alex basked in the warmth of the heated seats. Lafayette turned the music down low, hummed along to the songs he knew. Alex's heart felt like it was bubbling over from how much he loved Lafayette and John, he was embarrassed he didn't talk to them in the first place.    
  
"Alex!" John yelled the second they were in the door, and soon the scent of John's lavender shampoo engulfed him, his arms wrapping around Alex's shoulders.    
  
"John!" Alex gasped, wind knocked out of him.    
  
"I was so worried!" He pulled away to hold Alex's face in his hands. "Are you alright? You left so quickly, did we do something? I'm sorry."   
  
Alex took one of John's hands off of his face and kissed the back of it. "No, you didn't do anything. I've been feeling a little neglected lately, but I'm okay now, I promise. I didn't mean to worry you, I'm sorry."    
  
"I love you. I'm sorry if I haven't shown you that."   
  
"I love you too, you're okay. I'm okay now. I think I'm going to go take a shower now, though, I didn't get to before I stormed out."   
  
"Okay," John said, pulling away, kissing him one more time for good measure.    
  
"Can you come with me?" Alex asked Lafayette, who nodded. He whispered something to John before they left and John smiled before going and getting the bottle of champagne from the rack on the dining room wall and putting it in the freezer until they came back.    
  
Alex's nerves calmed down as the water hit his skin, sighing as Lafayette worked shampoo into his hair. He loved this, he missed it. It's been so long since Lafayette touched him with such careful reverence, as he kissed Alex's shoulders and whispered compliments in French that Alexander translated in his head distantly.    
  
"I love you," Lafayette whispered, and Alex hummed.    
  
"I love you too."    
  
They got out and went back into the living room, where John had pulled out the couch. The special champagne glasses were on the coffee table, which was pushed to the side. He set a pile of blankets on the mattress and was currently watching as the popcorn bag inflated in the microwave.    
  
"Hello, dear," Alex greeted, walking up behind John and kissing behind his ear.    
  
"You smell really nice," John responded, and Alex laughed.    
  
"Thank you."   
  
"I'm just waiting for the popcorn to get done. The champagne is in the freezer and should be chilled by now, you can go lay down on the couch if you want."    
  
Alex held John by the waist and pulled him closer, resting his chin on John's shoulder. "What if I just want to stay here with you?"   
  
"Then I guess I wouldn't mind." He smiled and leaned into it, swaying them. The microwave went off and Lafayette moved past them both, kissing them each on the forehead before getting the bag out.    
  
"You are both so beautiful," he commented. "I love seeing you love each other."    
  
"Hurry up with that popcorn and we could love you too," Alex told him, and Lafayette picked up the pace.    
  
Alex fell asleep that night with Lafayette curled around him, John cuddled into his chest, and he couldn't've been happier than he was in that moment.

**Author's Note:**

> this is completely fueled on bitterness and I ain't even sorry
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af!!


End file.
